...but these thoughts have been spinning in my head for awhile, and I wanted to jot them down. I am certainly not claiming that any of these thoughts are original to my little mind, but I believe they are speaking to some things I am going through right now.
I have been reading through the Gospel of John, and not long ago came across the story of Jesus' raising of Lazarus in chapter 11. I've read and heard this account many times before, but this time something jumped out at me. Here is the opening of the chapter:
"Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, 'Lord, he whom you love is ill.' But when Jesus heard it he said, 'This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.'"
Now take a look at this...
v. 5 "Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.
So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was."
Jesus knew Lazarus was ill. If the illness wasn't serious, Mary and Martha would probably not have bothered their Lord. Jesus also knew his dear friends Mary and Martha were undoubtedly suffering with worry over their brother. And yet, "he stayed two days longer in the place where he was."
What was this about? Why would Jesus, whose whole purpose of coming to earth was to demonstrate the sacrificial love of the Father through the redemption of sin, delay in going to help his beloved friends? Doesn't this make him seem cruel? Cavalier? Was he trying to teach Mary and Martha a hard lesson about suffering? Did they somehow deserve to suffer? Invite suffering? And what about Lazarus? He is often the forgotten player in this drama. We never hear anything that he is thinking, but don't you have to wonder if he felt like Jesus had turned his back on him? Had forgotten him?
Here is what struck me about this. Jesus could have healed Lazarus on the spot, without even going to his bedside. He did this with the Centurion's servant in Luke 7 and the Official's son in John, chapter 4. But by staying away longer, he assured that Lazarus was dead. In doing this, he was able to display a miracle that was even greater than healing. He was going to bring Lazarus back from the dead. He was not just going to heal Lazarus of his illness, he was going to display his ultimate power over pain, suffering, loss, disillusionment, and give the world the first glimpse of his power over death and the grave.
Jesus was actually loving Mary, Martha, and Lazarus BETTER by not answering when they first called. He loved them so much he wanted them to see who he really was with their own eyes. To have a deeper understanding of him. To know more about the Father because of what Jesus was able to do in their lives. They just had to wait for it a little longer than they thought.
How often is Jesus loving me BETTER by not answering my prayers?
I was reminded of this by my three year old nephew Luken when I was home last month. He wanted something to eat and was being quite impatient about it. (He is rather the cock of the walk in my sister's house) One of his favorite treats is fresh strawberries, so I was cleaning and preparing some for him as he had a meltdown in the other room. When I had finished, I carried them into him behind my back like a surprise and said, "Luke, Aunt Jenny has something really good for you, but you've got to stop crying to get it."
Wow. In that moment, which I had intended as teachable for my nephew, God smacked me down. How often to I spend time mourning what I don't have rather than anticipating the surprise of what he has in store? How often is he graciously waiting to give me something when all I am doing is crying about what I don't have? How many blessings do I miss from him because I am caught up in myself? How often do I crave the lesser miracle in my life by thinking I know what is best for me instead of trusting the almighty God of the universe?
Lord, please help me to trust in your deep love for me. Please, rain down your Spirit to help me to comprehend you each day in a new way. Please, I beg you to forgive me when I act like a petulant child, demanding that I want something from you NOW instead of letting you love me by giving me something better. Give me eyes to see beyond myself, to love others with your everlasting love. And please, pour out the greatest gift you could give me in this life...more of you.
"What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life,
is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights,
Are Your mercies in disguise?"
Blessings--Laura Story
